August 1989

1 August 1989 Tuesday

I didn't attend Unconditional Support tonight as I had so much to do with last minute business for Beyond Stonewall. Besides Allan Peterson was going to lead the meeting. I did go down to Radio City and visited some with Jon Merrill and Curtis Robinson. Later  I called Becky Christensen tonight and she is excited about leading a sing a long at the Friday night campfire.  Jim Rieger is getting settled in. 

2 August 1989 Wednesday

I was not able to get a hold of Brook Hallock or Dr. Michael Elliott but did leave them messages to call me back about their workshops at Beyond Stonewall. I also called Thom Jensen Abizu into doing John Reeve’s workshop so I don’t have to cancel it or do it myself. I talked to Robert Smith. He’s pissed off at Allan Peterson regarding how Unconditional Support’s meeting went yesterday. He said that Allan talked to the group saying how I had treated him badly over an innocent comment he made about Billy Bikowski. Shit! That really pisses me off too. How dare he discuss a private matter in a public forum but I don’t have time to deal with him however. Mom called me to say that they were coming through Salt Lake City on their way to Yellowstone but I said I would probably miss them because my retreat is this weekend and there’s no way short of jail or death can I not be there. She sounded a little disappointed but understood. I told her about Terry Johnson so he must be becoming important to me. Will he be the one to heal my heart over Billy Bikowski? Mom said that my Uncle Milton Williams has colon cancer and it doesn’t look good for him. I don’t know how to deal with that news yet.

3 August 1989 Thursday

There was a small turn out at the Gay Community Council Meeting. We postponed discussing a Gay Pride Parade for next year that Rocky O’Donovan is promoting until September. Terry Johnson picked me up after the meeting and he took me home. He moved out of the house he was staying at on 8^th East so its hard to get a hold of him. He moved out of Larry’s place and is staying with his grandma until he can find a place on his own,  He went to the dentist and we got some snit-biotics for his tooth which was hurting him so much last Saturday so he’s feeling a lot better. Anyway tomorrow is the big day. If I am not ready now I never will be.

 4 August 1989 Friday

John Bush picked me up at noon and we went in his pick up truck with his lover Mike Connor. On the road to Kamas, I said to John, “That looks like my wife” who was working hold signs for a road work crew. And it was!! We turned around and stopped and I was able to visit with Fran who was wearing an orange vest and hard hat! That was fun and what a coincidence. After hugging her goodbye we continued up to Camp Rogers with John Bush to set up a registration table which was over by the horse corral this year. The camp staff looked pretty scurvy this year compared to last year and while we didn’t have any problems with them they were very, very unfriendly. Dan Fahndrich did a wonderful job with his accommodation crew and Guy Larson came through although I felt like he was being too laid back compared to Ken Francis last year. Could it be only a year since Ken left me for California? Anyway as people started arriving, excitement began to build Dinner was about six thirty and the camp staff changed our eating arrangements from last year which screwed up our agenda for the evening somewhat for the weekend. They served tasteless meatloaf that was mostly filler. Ugh. Anyway we held out rainbow flag raising ceremony and our campfire key note speaker began at nine featuring Rocky O’Donovan. I was somewhat bummed because I’d been looking forward to my boyfriend Terry Johnson to coming up and he did late around ten. Then I was happy and could enjoy myself. Becky Christensen led the sing a long after Rocky’s talk and I closed the event by having everyone gather in a circle to sing Some Where Over the Rainbow. So far everything is going wonderfully but I am exhausted and after registering everyone and getting them settled in their cabins and camping spots its pretty anticlimactic for me. Terry Johnson and I had our own cabin to ourselves and we made love for most of the night.

5 August 1989 Saturday

I thought I was in a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from this evening. The day went smooth, workshops were great, however Michael Elliott was a no show and Brooke Hallock was late. I was upset that for lunch Spaghetti was made from last night’s meat loaf and I was pissed. But I really could tell that people were caught up in the magic and spirit of the retreat so I just let it go. Terry Johnson had to leave several times to go find his brother because he was suppose to have brought Terry’s medicine but when he didn’t  he had to leave and go back down to Salt Lake City which for me was good and bad. Good because my attention could be back on the retreat and bad because I felt lonely. Any way Richard Morris set up for the dance this evening and Dan Fahndrich did a slide show in the lodge. As I was watching the slides, Don Penrose came up to me and asked “Are you going to be okay?” Taken aback by his question, I said “Why shouldn’t I be? What is wrong?’ and Don said, “Billy is here.” I went into a shock of sorts  and said, No that’s impossible. Billy wouldn’t come here. He wouldn’t come here.” But Don’s sad eyes told me the truth that yes it was so. I then instinctly shut down my heart, fled to my cabin and began to sob and cry uncontrollably. I cried out to God “Why? Why is he here? Why can’t he leave me alone?” Don came into the cabin and was so sweet hugging me telling me that Billy is just not worth it and he was trying to comfort me as I just cried out my grief and cried myself into a state of exhaustion. Don told me to try and get some sleep but I just wanted to die. Then as to exasperate the pain I heard Richard Morris playing You Take My Breath Away at the dance. As if I could no longer control myself I got out of bed/ I had to see for myself. I had to see for myself that indeed Billy was here and I wasn’t simply going crazy because I felt like I was going insane. And there he was slow dancing with Renn and holding him tight. At that I just spaced out and thought How dare he be here! Enjoying with another man everything I built and leaving me nothing. I walked straight over to hime and demanded, “What are you doing here?”  Then Renn said “we were invited” I then retorted are you registered? He said “No” and I said then you can’t stay here. I want you gone. Renn asked How much did I want I said $60 each. Billy looked at me and said “don’t do this to us which ripped my heart to shreds. I just steely said I want you gone.” Renn demanded “Who are you? And I said I’m the director and you are leaving now. I know it must have been humiliating abd I was not getting any pleasure from it but rather I was dying inside like when I had to put my sweet dog Sam to sleep. I did just want I had to do to survive this weekend. I was adamant that Billy leave now and he sent Renn over to talk to Dave Omer at one point and I just dogged Billy’s steps until he left. At one point Billy turned to touch me  like that would have made me soften but I jumped back, and fell in the bushes losing my glasses in the darkness. Bill started looking for them and said “I don’t want your help. I want you to leave now.” So while blinded in the inky darkness I made the man I loved too much leave. Renn was insulting to me and Billy was saying something to him and I just told them both to shut up and leave. Dave Omer was with me the whole time and as they drove off I collapsed into his arms totally destroyed, crushed and feeling so lost. I drove away what I wanted most in this world. Dave held me and led me blind and full of grief stricken back to my cabin where he stayed with me until I sobbed myself into a stated of exhausted oblivion. How could Billy do this to me? Cruel beyond belief. The cruelest he’s been yet.  I could not attend the Faerie Gathering at Beyond Stonewall because of of my shattered state of being and I felt that Mike Pipkin and Rocky O’Donovan who could have healed me deserted me in a dire time of need.

6 August 1989 Sunday

I cried all night long and sought out Liza Smart to help me get the morning programs going because I was so mentally wounded and exhausted. I lay the fact that much of Sunday’s disorganization that was totally not necessary at Billy’s feet.  He drained me of so much energy that I was dysfunctional  for most of the day. I remember little of the rest of the day at Camp Rogers because all my energies went into control my tears. Off the mountain I spent most of the rest of the day with Terry Johnson and his two boys over at Dorinda White’s and looking at cars. Terry’s strength was the only thing that kept me from going completely crazy. I should be analyzing and collecting data about this year’s Beyond Stonewall for next year’s and yet I have no energy. None. I can barely hold this pen to write my feelings. Why do I still allow Billy so much power over my heart. I just miss his soul. I’m sorry but I do.

7 August 1989 Monday

I spent what little energy I have cleaning my apartment. I threw all of the Beyond Stonewall’s records in one box amd I will deal with that later. Jim Rieger was in a fender bender  today but he is okay. I’m a little frightened by my court appearance tomorrow. Oh Well. Serenity, Serenity. Robert Smith and Scott Robinson came over this evening to eat pizza talk about the great time they had at Beyond Stonewall.  Robert said the Faerie Gathering was fantastic and several of the women joined in the circle.  Robert and Scott helped Steve Oldroyd moved out of his place on 1^st Avenue. He had gotten evicted. Mike Pipkin is evicted too and has gone down to Moab.

8 August 1989 Tuesday

I went to court today at nine thirty and pled no contest and was fined $250 but got it reduced to $150 by agreeing to do five days of community service which I am going to do through though the Aardvark Corporation, Beau Chaine’s nonprofit. It was an emotionally draining experience even though I had the reading of the charges waived. I helped out this one confused gentleman that was so upset about having been arrested for trying to pick up a hooker. I assured him that it would be okay and calmed him down. God sent me that bit of service to calm me down too and help me have serenity and keep my dignity. I spent some time with Terry Johnson this evening. I didn’t go to Unconditional Support but did attend coffee at Dee’s afterwards. Robert Smith and Troy Lunt came home with me and visited some on my front porch about Gay issues. I love being Gay evening with the occasional arrest. I’m healing from Saturday night’s fiasco. I have to talk to Rocky O’Donovan about how hurt I was when he wasn’t there for me when I needed Faerie healing.

• John Sassaman died in Monterey California of AIDS. John a leader and gentleman was well known among Utah’s Gay and Lesbian Community. In 1986 he was elected as first chairperson of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah. One of his most regarded accomplishments being the cofounder and publisher of the Triangle Magazine. He also participated in may local organizations in the advancement of Gay/Lesbian issues. John received two Bachelor degrees. One in Anthropology from the University of Utah and the other was in Music Arts from the Western University In Gunnison Colorado. John was also pursuing a graduate degree in Business. “I was always impressed by John’s insightfulness and foresight. He was bright, progressive and very intuitive about human behavior. When I last spoke with John about two months ago he communicated a sense of peacefulness and wisdom. Giving simplicity and understanding in his outlook for the present and the future. John always said that everything happens in its appropriate time and place. He told me that he was happy with his life accomplishments. All regrets and unfinished tasks were unimportant. John opened many doors for me, teaching me on many levels. Locally he was loved by many as a friend. He will be much missed-Satu Servigna

9 August 1989 Wednesday

It was twenty years ago today that the Manson Clan killed Sharon Tate and her friends. It was so gruesome that it stands out in my memory to this day. At twelve thirty I met with Chuck Whyte to type up the Community Council’s minutes and able to get them all mailed out. We were thre at the Crossroad Urban Center until four then I rode my bike over to the Health Department on 7^th South for my court mandated HIV and STD tests. It cost $25 and I will get the results on August 23^rd. I talked to this one woman clinic worker there named Sue who was really nice and Gay friendly. I gave her contact information for the Youth Group so she could refer young Gay people who came into be tested to a good support group. When the doctor drew my blood for examination he asked if I was a homosexual. I corrected him and said I was Gay. Because of all the visiting with clinicians and the waiting to be seen I was  there until six. I then rode my bike over to Beau Chaine’s Aardvark Cabaret on 4^th South. Beau just signed off my court ordered work program sheet for all five days of court ordered community service. Beau said to me “Hell, your whole life is community service.”  He also said he had a dream where I was the Community Service Center’s director making $40,000 a year! Dream on. Anyway when I got home I went with Jim Rieger over to Richard Rodriguez’s farewell party. He’s moving to Santa Ana, California to do an internship at the University of California at Irvine. There I heard some interesting gossip that Mike Casey broke up with Allan Peterson and he is in love with Richard Rodriguez and he with him! Good

10 August 1989 Thursday-

 I’ve been weepy less and less over Billy Bikowski. Time will heal this one too. I finally got my bedroom cleaned and straightened up enough to sleep back in my bed. I’ve been sleeping on the couch in the frost room all week. Becky Moorman and her lover Alice Hart came over this evening to have their medicine cards read.  They are getting married this October.  Becky's main totem was the Deer and Alice's was the Swan. The deer represents gentleness, caring and kindness. The Swan represents  grace, balance and innocence. Jim Rieger had people over for the evening to watch movies. I called Terry Johnson today and invited him over for dinner tomorrow. He’s trying to push our relationship faster and it scares me. If push comes to shove I’m going to tell him that he needs to decide what he’s looking for in a relationship but I’ll be here if he wants to continue dating me. I am not going anywhere. Yesterday was Robert Smith's birthday and the 14^th will be Mark Lamar’s birthday.  I need to call Mark. I feel impressed that I need to call him.

11 August 1989 Friday

I don’t know who is writing this improbable script but I wish they would cut it out. At five I walked over to Satu Servigna’s on 3^rd Avenue and N Street to deliver the Community Council’s calendar and on my way home just across from the Wild Rose Bicycle Shop my heart grieved seeing the sign that Billy Bikowski had carved for them while he was living up in Park City two years ago. As I was looking at the sign, Billy came riding by on his mountain bike. He was so surprised to see me that he said “hi” to without much enthusiasm while I inadvertently pipe up “Oh hi”. Taken back by my greeting he said to me “my, that was kind of cheery”. I think he was trying to be sarcastic so I replied, “oh, then, well goodbye.” I had stopped in my tracks and he rode his bike back towards me and said, “I can’t talk right now I have to help Frank move a piano.” So I said, “Goodbye again then” and he rode off probably up to Dan Fahndrich’s where Frank Fatah was living. As I saw him ride off I almost started laughing, thinking how certifiable nuts both Billy and I are. Last week I was nigh unto a hysterical exhaustion from seeing him at Beyond Stonewall. Anyway back at my place Jim Rieger invited Terry Johnson and I for dinner at this pasta place which was yummy.  We visited over dinner and I think I broke down some of Terry’s barriers of being seen in public with me. We kissed goodbye when he left. He has his kids for the weekend so I don’t know if I’ll get to see him or not. He has to be in by ten as that is his grandma’s conditions for him staying with her. What are my feelings for this sweet man?

12 August 1989 Saturday

Robert Smith and I walked over to Jordan Park for the "Say Yes to Life Day" celebration.  I know that Dan Fahndrich appreciated our making the effort to come.  I'm glad I went too because the Gay Spirit was there at it was wonderful.  It really felt a kin to the old love-in's of the Sixties.  There Dan told me that Billy Bikowski was moving in with Frank Fatah and this kid named Todd across from Dan’s place on I Street. That is really interesting. What happened to Renn? Did Billy escape from the pressure of making a commitment to Renn? Did Billy wear out his welcome and was kicked out? Perhaps both. From Jordan Park I walked over to Memory Grove after dropping Bobbie off at his place. I wanted to see the cute volleyball players, Michael Casey was there and we talked about Richard Rodriguez and Allan Peterson. I gave out Gay Day at Lagoon discount coupons to anyone who wanted them. At five thirty I went home and then went out with Jim Rieger to a party being thrown by Charles Patt. He’s a sweet Thai man that I have met through Steven and Spence Barker. Becky Moss was there as well as Neil Hoyt, Jim Dabakis and a few others I knew. However most of the people there I didn’t know. I talked to Neil about what happened between Billy and I up at Camp Rogers. I also got the party to lighten up by being authentic and letting our hair down instead of being so uptight. I’m sure it was refreshing for many not to just be standing around and modeling. I do have my Grandpa Johnson’s Celtic gift to get people to open up. It was a long day but a rather pleasant one. I called Mark Lamar last night. He had a rough week but he said things are getting better now.. He’s stopped hustling and I’m glad for that. He will turn thirty on his birthday.

13 August 1989 Sunday- I went to my Quaker meeting this morning and I was asked by Robin to be on the Peace and Social Concerns Committee. So I guess I’m really identified as a Quaker now. I need to request membership.  Robert Smith was at meeting and he made me a quartz pennant.  That was very sweet of him.  After the meeting we walked way up Memory Grove and City Creek Canyon to find a spot for a Faerie circle.  It was fun to be hiking with him. I miss Terry Johnson. I called the only number I have for him but he wasn’t there. Thinking of Billy Bikowski too. I know Billy will take care of himself if not very well. I watched the Last Days of Pompeii which is one of my favorite old movies with Preston Foster, Basil Rathbone, and Alan Hale starring in it. The same people who wrote, directed and produced King Kong also worked on Last Days. When Jim Rieger came home we went to KRCL and taped two programs. One was on Stonewall ’89 Remembered and the other was on chemical dependency within the Gay community. Afterwards we went over To Becky Moss and Catherine Clark to visit some. John Sassaman’s obituary was in the Salt Lake Tribune today. He died August 8^th in Monterrey, California from AIDS. I cried when I saw it listed in the paper this morning. John was the first chairman of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah and co-founder of the Triangle Magazine in 1986. He once told me that I would ne a strong community leader. He fought against the special interests of David Nelson, Michael Aaron, and Graham Bell.  I wrote up some notes for Beyond Stonewall 1990 while it was still fresh in my mind. First have catered food next year or have more control over the menu. Need to have vegetarian options as well as omnivorous ones< Maybe get Beau Chaine to see about donating food and get Greg Harden to see if he’d cook the food and perhaps get a waiver from the YMCA if we bring our own food. Second, it would be fun to have BBQ on the opening Friday Night. We could have a BBQ as people register and Dan Fahndrich could be showing a slide show of pictures he had taken. The opening ceremony would consist of the Rainbow flag raising and a welcoming address/ The keynote speaker should only be a half hour at the very most and maybe I could get Luci Malin to speak on Gay Myths. At the Friday campfire there should be a director in charge of the sing a long. Neil Hoyt would be good at that. I need to pick Becky Moss’ brain for run activities.  Third at the registration table it should be under the direction of John Bush and his committee. Fourth have Dan Fandrich combine the responsibilities of the hospitality and accommodation committees. Fifth ask Brenda Voisard to be a co manager of any women programs. Sixth put Bobbie Smith in charge of game workshops and activities. Seventh-Ask any person who wants to do a presentation send in a two paragraph synopsis of what their workshop entails and must commit to being at the retreat at least an hour prior to their workshop and one hour afterwards. All workshops should be within an hour timeframe. Eighth have the dance as a separate activity.  Ninth perhaps have a sliding scale of $45 for members of the youth group and $45 for hardship cases

14 August 1989 Monday-

Today is Mark Lamar’s 30^th birthday. I am still kind of in a haze from thinking about Beyond Stonewall. My Gay summer is over as it is almost time to go back to work, It’s been fun but I am tired now. As soon as I get the place cleaned and some wash done, I’m going to start going up to Orchard Elementary to start getting my classroom ready. The weather is still hot and in the nineties but it wont be long until it starts cooling off again. Terry Johnson is on my mind a lot. His birthday is in July I think. I need to find out.

·         Gary Spanogle-one time Utahn and AIDS activist died of pneumocystic pneumonia in Bakersfield, California. He turned 50 in March and was one of the first HIV positive people in the country to appear on a nationally televised talk show (The Phil Donahue Show) in the mid 1980’s. A one time employee of the Sun Tavern and a professional dancer who worked for both Arthur Murray and Fred Astaire. Spanogle fought AIDS discrimination by appearing in local news programs, through letter writing campaigns and in a precedent setting case, by fighting in the court system of Bakersfield, California for the ARC status to be defined as a disability under the law. He was a member of the AIDS Project Utah and Bakersfield, Task Force. (Triangle Sept 1989)

15 August 1989 Tuesday

I went over to Dorinda White’s place this afternoon at five because Terry Johnson had asked me over. Dorinda is Terry’s cousin who lives just behind where Fran and I used to live on Roberta Street. Anyway I borrowed Jim Rieger’s car and while there Terry said he sold his car for $750. Later I must have said something that pissed him off so he left me sitting at Todd and Dorinda’s place. That really embarrassed me as well as hurt my feelings so I left and went Unconditional Support. Steve Oldroyd is a new officer now and he led the meeting tonight. I really don’t get much out of US anymore. I’m just there for Robert Smith’s sake. I didn’t stay for coffee but just went on home. Once there, Terry Johnson called to apologize and I accepted it. We are both new at this relationship thing and I’m not going to take offense at every little thing he does. We are different, that’s true but I am so terribly fond of him. I don’t want to say I love him. I told that to Billy Bikowski and look where it landed me.

16 August 1989 Wednesday –

I took the bus to Orchard elementary today and started in on my classroom. Rearranging desks, I also put up bulletin boards with a unicorn and elves theme. I stayed for a couple of hours. I’ll have thirty four students this year. Oh well.  Rocky O’Donovan returned from Berkley California this evening and said he'd be at the full moon Fairy gathering. I walked over to Robert Smith’s apartment near the Greek Orthodox Church on 3rd West and 3rd South and from there we walked over to Memory Grove where we met Robert Erichssen and Rocky “Kyle Sky Bear”.  We walked way deep into City Creek canyon and found a secluded spot for our ceremony.  Kyle Sky Bear took his wand and drew a fairy circle while I “Gayflower Fearenaught” set up an altar of stones and placed on it totems to represent the male and female elements, Mother Earth and Father Sky.  When Kyle Sky Bear and I initiated Robert Smith and Robert Erichssen they took on their Fairy names to reflect their new fairy identities.  Robert Smith chose the name “Gillian Walkabout” and Robert Erichssen chose the name “Ariel”.  Kyle Sky Bear insisted that we be sky clad before entering the circle. Sitting nude in the forest, we shed our egos and  it was truly a healing experience. In the circle I read our Fairy Manifesto which was accepted by the Faeries in the circle. We then read poems we had written for the gathering and sang some chants such as "The Earth is our mother; We must take care of her" and "The Goddess is alive; Magic is afoot".  We evoked the Gay Spirit to help us bring down patriarchy and to bring harmony back to the world.  The Full Moon was in eclipse this first meeting of the Radical Faeries or as our group is known the "Sacred Faeries".  The full Eclipse began around eight thirty. I suppose we are the Sacred Faeries since all of the founders are Quakers.  It was a magical night for sure with Kyle Sky Bear burning his ties as symbols of patriarchal oppression.  I forgot to mention that my friend Randy Holladay earlier said he is going to get me an introduction to Harry Hay for founded the Radical Faeries a decade ago.

17 August 1989 Thursday

I went back up to Orchard today but first went to ZMCI Mall to pick up a bus schedule to see how to get there. Fortunately its not going to be bad at all and the bus will drop me off almost across from the school. I spent four hours putting up my bulletin boards because in elementary school bulletin boards are everything. In the evening a storm blew in and it pored rain. I had a phone message that this Woman named Sue from Sunset is organizing a Gay and Lesbian social club called “New Horizons” and she asked me to do a feature article to go into the Triangle. Becky Moorman wanted me to write an article on the correlation between the Black Civil Rights Movement and the Gay Civil Rights Movement. Later Bobby Smith Gillian and Scott Robinson showed up on my doorstep this evening wanting me to read Scott's medicine cards.  His main totem was the dog which represents being noble, loyal, and teaching.  They brought with them some pizza and I'm totally stuffed.  The weather sure has cooled off because of the rain storm

18 August 1989 Friday

I helped Susan McCoy move for most of the day all her classroom stuff up to Monta Vista in Farmington. I’m so glad I choose not to stay with that school. We also drove up to Sunset Elementary and there the new principal was the only one around so we didn’t get to see any of the old faculty. It was a lot of hard work moving Susan but I was glad I was able to help her out. When I got home, I was surprised to see a note from Mom and Dad that they were in town. I didn’t expect them in until tomorrow. I barely got settled in when Dad knocked on the door. He sure is getting wizened. I hugged him and we went out to bring mom in. I haven’t seen either one of them in almost two and a half years. We went to the Spaghetti Factory at Trolley Square for dinner and then came back to my place to visit and relax. Richard Rodriguez called all worried about Mike Casey as he was supposed to have shown up for a party and hadn’t arrived yet. No one seems to know where he is. He is probably just running late as he is coming down from Wyoming. Anyway Dad was really tired from the drive so they left and went back to their Motel room at eight thirty. Then I got a call from Terry Johnson to see if I wanted to go to Echo Junction to eat dinner with him and Dorinda and Todd White. I was really tired and wondered if I would be any company but Terry sounded disappointed when I was trying to make excuses so I gave in and decided to go. So what if I am tired from a long day? I’ll be with him. We left at nine and went to this little old hick country spoon place and stayed until midnight. There were lots of cute cowboys there.

19 August 1989 Saturday

Mom and Dad came by early at nine and because I couldn’t think of anything else to do I asked if they wanted to go on a picnic. I was originally only going to take them up Mill Creek Canyon but then we decided to drive up Ogden Canyon. Well we just got to driving and we eventually went to the monetary in Huntsville then over the mountains down into Woodruff and then over to Evanston, Wyoming and back down into Salt Lake City through Echo Canyon and Parley’s. It was a beautiful day for the drive and good for me to gt out of the valley. I was able to have a really nice visit with Mom and Dad although Dad is so hard of hearing now. He is pretty mellow compared to when he was younger and I lived at home. Both were pretty tired after the long day trip and they were anxious to get home to Victorville after seeing Yellowstone. I told Mom a little about Terry Johnson not that they are that interested in that part of my life. When they left at eight, while I was glad to see them, I was also glad to see them go. I have such mixed up feelings about my family. I love them and genetically they are my parents and they did the best they could to raise me right. It’s not their fault, nor mine, that we have drifted apart. It’s been almost three years since I last saw them. After they left Terry came to take me over to Dorinda White’s place to watch some awful blood and guts movie called Hell Raisers, I think. I really don’t like those kinds of movies at all. But I enjoy being with Terry so I put up with it. We fooled around a little under a blanket while Todd and Dorinda weren’t looking. That was kind of fun. I didn’t get home until real late after two in the morning.

20 August 1989 Sunday-

I didn’t make it to church this morning. I was way too tired. I really didn’t do much of anything today except clean the place. I was supposed to have gone to a Community Center meeting but I’ve given up any interest in that project as it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I have too much else I’m involved with.  In the evening went with Jim Rieger to  KRCL where we taped a program for Concerning Gays and Lesbians. I had Rocky O'Donovan come and talk on patriarchy.  The program will air on the thirtieth. The weather is really cooling off. I believe summer is over. 

21 August 1989 Monday

I took the bus up to Orchard Elementary in North Salt Lake to try and get my classroom in order. I spent much of the time just trying to scrounge up a complete set of text books for my class of thirty four students. When I inventoried my books I was shocked to discover I had no language books, no math books, no science books, or health books. Mr. Stranger managed to find me some math books, thank goodness. I’ll have to dig through the old book room for the others I guess. I was really tired from getting up so early to catch the bus so at home I didn’t do much else. Terry Johnson surprised me by dropping by for a little bit after nine. Then Bobby Smith called me and I asked him he had heard anything about Mike Casey, figuring that someone at Saturday’s volleyball gave would have heard something. I was not prepared to hear Bobbie say, “Mike Casey is dead.”  I immediately burst into tears. I told Robert I would call him back as I was in no shape to talk. After regaining my composure I called him back and learned that Michael was killed in a head on collision Friday night as he was coming down from Wyoming. I can’t believe it.